This Momma has MS

As I read the title of this post I still can't believe it. I have to repeat to myself over and over 'I have multiple sclerosis, I have multiple sclerosis, I have MS". It's still sinking in because technically I've just known this for 2 days now and have been having symptoms for a week and a half. These last 10 days feel like months. It truly is amazing how dramatically a life can change from one day to the next, my life has changed from one day to the next. My MS journey started 11 days ago on June 17, 2013. I woke up with double vision and had no idea why. I went to a walk in clinic and they were unable to find any cause of my vision issues and suggested I see an optometrist or neurologist. I saw an optometrist the following day and he suspected I had sixth never palsy and my issue would resolve itself on it's own but wanted to consult a neurologist for an MRI to ensure nothing more serious was going on like a brain tumor. I was able to get in with a neurologist the same afternoon and he sent me for an MRI the following day. Wednesday morning I woke up with numbness in my hand but it was still functional. My follow up appointment to get my MRI results was Tuesday the 25th. I woke up that morning with numbness on the whole right side of my body. Shortly after my hand started acting up I knew my diagnosis wouldn't be as simple as something that would resolve itself on it's own. After doing some research I was fairly certain I had MS. The weekend before getting my DX my Nanny was diagnosed with a brain tumor which will eventually be fatal, I would be lying if I said the thought of being faced with the same outcome didn't cross my mind. As difficult as it was I was fairly  successful pushing my worries of the possible diagosis out of my mind. The verse I countinued to repeat to myself was Matthew 6:34 ^"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

Tuesday finally come around and we were able to meet with my neurologist to get the results of the MRI. To say we were dissapointed in the doctor would be a total understatment. After waiting for 30 minutes he finally came to the exam room and doesn't even have my report or results pulled up so we wait another 15 grueling minutes waiting for him to get everything together to deliver our results. He begins by telling us he has good news and bad news. The good news is I don't have a brain tumor but I most certainly have MS. He immediately goes into what we have to do next and is very difficult to understand because english is not his first language. He continued to use very complicated medical terms and despite several requests to help  us understand he was unable to do that. Bottom line he wanted to admit me to the hospital that day for 5 days to start on IV steroids. Of course I was devastated by not only my diagnosis but being away from Peyton for 5 days was out of the question. Jordan and I discussed it and decided we wanted to get a second opinion, not because we thought the diagnosis was incorrect but because we were confused about treatment options and wanted to be closer to home if we were going to have to be in the hospital for five days. The doctor that I used to work for was able to help us tremendously and put me in contact with another doctor that admitted me to Central Baptist the following day. We got another consult with a fabulous neurologist and he was sooo incredibly helpful. He simply explained things and made us feel so much better about the situation and what the future was going to look like for our family. That day I started IV steroids and the great news was I could do the rest of my treatment from home, praise The Lord. 

To say Jordan has been amazing would be a complete understatement! I know many men faced with this predicament would be scared and not step up to the plate. My hubby has been nothing but supportive and loving. He has been to every appointment and advocated on my behalf to ensure I get the best care possible. He has also been super dad and taken such good care of Peyton while I'm not able to do everything I once could. I am so lucky that we found each other and that he decided I was worthy of his love. I'm sure neither on of us thought the vows "of sickness and in health" would be so relevant this early in life but it is and we are getting stronger because of it.

I knew we were surrounded by love and support prior to my diagnosis but now there is no question. Our family and friends, the wonderful family I work for, our church family at Mt. Zion and LINE-X have all be so supportive and flexible during this crazy time. To say we are blessed is truly an understatement, I could come up with a huge list of the crazy amount of blessings we have been privileged to receive. We have felt the prayers people have been praying for us and God's embrace this entire time! Never once have we been afraid or scared or hopeless. I've only felt encouraged, hopeful and loved and that truly is a blessing from above.

So does having multiple sclerosis suck ... heck yes!!! There could be far worse things happen to me though and I know we can deal with this. Don't feel bad for me because I plan on doing anything and everything possible to ensure I live a long healthy life and have all the support anyone could possibly want to achieve this. I'm sure there will be ups and downs during this journey and I will certainly keep you posted about myself as well as how Peyton is growing up! 

4 Months!

Another great month is under out belt! We got to do a ton of fun stuff this month which also included another great trip back to Kentucky. Our girl is continuing to grow, change and achieve new tricks. She is still amazed with her feet and has been able to grab onto them. She still hasn't been able to get them to her mouth but I'm sure that is just around the corner. She is still loving her play mat and is now able to grab a lot of the toys. It's very funny when she gets frustrated because she's grabbed onto a toy and can't figure out how to let go of it. She has absolutely found her voice and loves squealing. She will wake up in the morning and entertain herself for quite sometime just discovering new sounds she can make. 

She still loves to eat but now when she nurses both hands and feet are very very busy. She's always trying to kick whatever seat we're in and grabs at my clothes or anything that's close by. I always know she has gone to sleep because her extremities are still for a change. She has been a pretty good sleeper still but when we travel her schedule gets so off and it takes her a while to get back on track. At least a couple nights out of the week she will sleep through the night, always thankful for those days. 

This month I got to celebrate my first mother's day. Jordan made this day so special for me and it was such a blessing to get to celebrate the best job I've ever had. My mom came down to visit for the weekend and it was wonderful to be able to see my momma for mother's day as well. We got to go on a walk at a new park that we discovered we love and also got to take Peyton hiking for the first time at Monte Sano. She was a champ hiking and we will be doing that more often. 

Jordan and I went on our first "date" since Peyton was born. Shapell watched Peyton for us while we grabbed Penn Station and went to Jordan's parents lot in the country and ate on the tailgate while enjoying the beautiful view (I know real romantic). It's amazing how much more conversation we can back into an hour without our little one distracting us. 

Peyton and I before Zach and Andrea's wedding. We had a blast and she was a hit. It was very funny to see Jordan's unmarried childless friends be entertained by her. I was totally surprised with how great they were with her. 

Us after church on Mother's Day! 

Hiking! 

Lola hanging out with Peyton while she is playing in her exersaucer 

We went to dinner at Coba Concina for mom's birthday and got all dressed up. We had a great time and loved checking out the jelly fish tank. 

We went to the park with Laura and Harper and Peyton got to swing for the first time. She needed a little extra cushion with a blanket but she seemed to enjoy herself. She easily could have fallen asleep in there. 

Thursday Night Live with Jack and Anna. 

One of my favorite things about Lexington is the farmers market and Peyton loved it as well. 

Ellis and Peyton checking each other out. 

This cutie hanging out with Peyton is Jack. We have gotten to hang out with several moms from our church that also recently had babies. Jack was born exactly one week after Peyton. It is been a huge blessing to get together with fellow God loving momma's to discuss what were all experiencing and share advice. I really could not be more thankful for these wonderful women! 

All the rest of the cuties. 

The day before her four month birthday Miss Peyton rolled over from belly to back. Hopefully it just wasn't a fluke and she will continue to perfect this new move. 

3 Months

This month has been so much fun! We are getting lots of smiles, laughs and more personality. Our sweet little girl is growing so big and it’s been wonderful getting to see her achieve new milestones and discover new things. At the same time though it’s a little heartbreaking to realize how quickly she moves from one baby stage to the next. She went for her 9 week checkup and got 3 shots which was horrible to endure for this momma. She is in the 90^th percentile for weight and 60^th for height … guess that means she is taking after her mom, poor thing. I feel like we are in such a wonderful phase right now because she is happy pretty much all of the time, she takes wonderful naps and is sleeping through the night. She will go to sleep somewhere between 8:30 – 10 and wakes up around 5:30, dream feeds and then will usually sleep until somewhere around 8:30. I know I should count my blessings on this one!

Peyton is getting such good head/neck control and we have been able to do more activities. She loves sitting up now and we’ve tried using the bumbo a few times. She really likes to sit in it but can’t stay for very long because she gets tired. She still hates tummy time … oh well. She also has discovered her feet and it is hilarious to watch her watch her feet. She gets so tickled when she realizes they belong to her and she can move them herself. I painted her toenails so that there is a little bit more of a visual interest for her, which was no easy task. I’m sure there is some women’s right group out there that would like to chop my head off for doing that but she digs it. Her favorite toy right now is her mobile, she gets sooo tickled when she can kick it and it makes different noises for her. She still is a huge fan of bath time but unfortunately has out grown the sink. I still really wanted to use her flower in the bathtub so I decided to get a laundry basket and put it in there, this has worked out wonderfully and she is loving all of the leg room to kick around.

Surprise surprise we made another trip back to Kentucky this month for two whole weeks which as always was wonderful. Peyton and I were able to attend Chase’s t-ball game and Jack’s soccer game, both were rock stars. One of the most difficult things for me when we moved was not getting to be as involved in my nieces and nephews activities, so it was very nice to have the time to watch some of their events. Peyton and I have started taking lots of walks which she is usually a huge fan of. I’ve recovered enough to be able to be pretty active and not be sore the next day which has been absolutely wonderful, I finally feel like myself again.

I’ve also gone back to work which consists of working 2 days a week and Peyton goes with me. The owner and his family have been absolutely wonderful to me and it is such a blessing to be able to get out of the house a bit but not have to leave my sweet girl. Everyone has been asking me how cloth diapering has been going. Honestly I love it! It’s not difficult to do at all and is so much more comfortable for her. It has especially been nice since it has gotten warmer because then I can dry all the diapers outside.

Jordan was in a wedding this month so Peyton got to hang out with her Nonna (my mom) and her Cookie (Shapell) while we were at the rehearsal dinner. I was a little bit worried about leaving her because she has not been very good about taking a bottle. I was so relieved when I got a text saying that she took a bottle like a champ though. Now that I know she is willing to take a bottle I see more dates for Jordan and I and also some daddy daughter dates in the future.

Before having Peyton I had an idea of how I wanted things to go and everyone always says never say never when it comes to raising your children. I should have listened when I got this advice because I said we would never co-sleep. Somewhere along the way Peyton and I ended up sharing our bed one night and she slept great. Since then it has somewhat became a habit, especially early in the morning and naps. Sometimes in the evening she’ll fall asleep with us snuggling in bed and then I’ll transition her to her own bed when she is good and asleep. I guess in the future I just need to keep an open mind and see what works best for us as a family regardless of the preconceived notions I had.

On to the next month to see what adventures await us!

Hanging out in the bumbo.

On our way to Chase's T-ball game

Checking out her feet

Before church

 

 

Finally taking a Paci

 

 Matching Toes!

2 Months

It has been so much fun to be able to see more and more of Peyton’s personality come out this month. For the most part she is a very content baby and really doesn’t cry very much unless she needs/wants something. She loves new things/people and she will just sit and watch and study whatever it is. I think she is going to be a little social butterfly because she loves when we go places and new people come and talk to her. I’ve kind of given up on a schedule with her because she sleeps so well at night. I let her let me know when she’s sleepy/hungry and for the most part let her sleep as long as she would like. She is getting a little bit better about sleeping on her own and in her own space. I have to make sure she is really asleep before I try to lay her down otherwise she will wake up. She will sleep for 4-6 hours at night and I feel totally refreshed after that many consecutive hours of sleep. The only difficult thing is when she wakes up in the middle of the night to nurse she will not go straight back to sleep so we could be up for a few hours. I try to make this time as positive as possible so when were up I make it my priority to pray for her and her alone.

We’ve started to get some smiles out of her which brings my heart so much joy. It is such a good feeling to be able to interact with her and get a positive reaction back. It makes me look forward to when she starts laughing too. We have been traveling A LOT since she was born and I’m so lucky she likes to be in the car. We made a trip to Mayfield, KY to visit Jordan’s grandparents and it was fun to be able to get to introduce everyone to Peyton. We also made another trip back to Lexington for a few weeks while Jordan was traveling again. Easter was spent in Huntsville so we could get back into a routine and spend some time as a family. We were able to go to church and spent time with our Mt. Zion family and then had lunch with the lovely Karen who works with Jordan. I was reflecting about our time in Huntsville and what a different life we have now since last Easter. We have been blessed enough to have a wonderful daughter in our life now and a truly fantastic church family. I'm looking forward to what changes we experience between now and next Easter.

 It has finally started to warm up enough to be able to go outside a little bit. I was getting a little stir crazy being inside all of the time. Peyton seems to enjoy the outdoors and the dogs like it when we come to visit them on their turf. We’ve taken a few walks but my recovery (or lack thereof) doesn’t allow us to go for long or far. I’m still having a difficult time lifting things and using my abdominal muscles for anything. At my 6 week follow up appointment my doctor said everything was healing nicely and I should expect my full recovery to take 9 - 12 months ... wowzers.

I’m about a month late posting this and I’m hoping I remember all of the details from this specific month and don’t mix up anything that occurred during month 3.

Strolling Outside

This ridiculous looking flower has been such a life saver while traveling because it holds her head up when she falls asleep ... best $8 we've spent.

Precious Smile

Dad of the year taking Peyton and Sofie on a walk.

Happy Easter!

1 Month

I feel like our sweet girl has changed so much in the first month of her life, there is something new about her almost daily. I love watching her discover something new and being able to figure her out better. Jordan and I both feel like Peyton has been pretty hefty from the start and it never really seemed like she was super small or fragile. We got to hang out with Miss Harper who is eight months old and compared to her she did seem very small. We have already outgrown most of her newborn clothes and there were lots of super cute outfits we didn’t even get to wear. These subtle changes remind me just how quickly these precious moments go by.

When Peyton was 2 ½ weeks old Jordan had to go out of town for seven days which was so so difficult for the three of us. Luckily during this time Peyton and I got to go back to Kentucky and hang out with our friends and family. We are very very lucky to have such wonderful friends and family who came to visit us and help take care of us while my awesome hubby was out of town. During the 7 days that Jordan was gone she changed so much and I was very sad he missed out on these fleeting moments. She started having more awake time where she was happy, before it seemed like when she was awake she was unhappy. The first few weeks seemed like we were just trying to get to know our little girl and what she liked and what she needed to be happy. Now that we know she likes to be bounced a lot and look at lights and snuggle we all are much happier. She has started to coo, make noises and smile, especially in the morning when she is most happy. Peyton does not like to be swaddled what so ever and if her arms or hands are restricted in any way she is not a happy camper.

We have not been on any particular schedule since she was born and we have kind of let her run the show, she sleeps and eats when she wants to. Starting this week we are changing this and trying to get on more of a regular schedule. She is still only sleeping for about 3 to 3 ½ hours at night. It has been quite the challenge to get her to sleep anywhere besides on me. If I want to get anything done during the day I usually have to put her in my Baby K’tan sling and then she is quite content. She really likes to sleep on her side or stomach on her boppy but I only let her do this when I’m awake to watch her and make sure she doesn’t slide down and can’t breathe. I would like her to sleep in her crib sometime soon so hopefully we can get this sleep thing figured out and get her in her own room. I introduced a pacifier very early because breastfeeding was going so well I wasn’t worried about it and our little girl always wants to suck. Unfortunately she doesn’t much care for the pacifier but I’m pretty sure she is going to be a thumb sucker. She already puts her fist to her mouth and it’s only a matter of time until she finds that thumb. 

This week we started using her cloth diapers, we had to wait until she bulked up a little bit so they would fit. They are a little bulky on her but I am so glad we are able to use these now. It’s amazing how many diapers baby’s go through in a single day. She was also getting a really bad diaper rash despite constantly changing her diapers and treating it with medicine. Since changing to cloth it immediately went away.

My recovery has gone fairly well so far although I still feel like we have a ways to go. It is somewhat uncomfortable to engage my abdominal muscles and one of the things I miss the most is to just be able to laugh as hard as I would like. I can definitely tell when I’ve overdone it for the day because I will be very sore and feel like I can’t stand up all the way. I am really looking forward to being able to exercise but I’m not exactly sure when I’ll be able to do that.

This first month has been so wonderful and I can’t wait to see what will change by month 2.

 

Happy Valentine's Day



This girl loves her bath time

 

Having fun on her play mat

 

Snuggle time with dad

Birth Photos

These are just some of the photos that our birth photographer took. She was so amazing and I am so thankful that she did this for us. She also made a video which is stunning but I'm not able to share it on here. I highly recommend getting a birth photographer and if you are in the Huntsville area check out Lagniappe Newborn Portraits.

Hanging out on the birthing ball during contractions.

 

Still hanging out on the birthing ball.

 

I have no idea how I managed to smile for this picture, I was so nervous!

 

Look at those long fingers.

 

Love at first sight.

 

Finally able to hold my sweet girl! Super chapped lips.

 

She was ready to eat.

 

Having some chest to chest time with dad while I was still in surgery.

Proud Nonna and Papa.

 

Sweet tears.

 

Together as a very happy family.

Peyton's Birth Story!

On February 5, 2013 at 41W 1D at 8pm we went to the hospital to start the induction process with a dose of cytotec.  Starting at 7 AM that morning I started to feel some cramping but thought it may just be a fluke. Well they continued on for the remainder of the day consistently being 30 seconds long and about 7 minutes apart. I was happy to find out that these were in fact real contractions once we got to the hospital because they were pretty uncomfortable and if they weren’t I was concerned about actually  being able to carry out my natural birth plan. So we started the cytotec soon after we got there and settled in for the night, thankfully we were able to watch the UK game! For some reason I thought these meds wouldn't do much to me and I was fully expecting to get a full nights rest ... Wrong! Pretty early on in the night I was contracting regularly and frequently, having somewhere around 3 contractions within 5 mins each lasting a min long. Needless to say I didn't get a wink of sleep and had to start using some of my coping techniques. They ended up not giving me the second dose of meds because I was already progressing fairly well.

At 4AM I was very uncomfortable and ended up vomiting. I decided to get a bit of pain meds in my IV before we started the pitocin. But before that my nurse checked me and I was 4cm dilated. During my check she accidentally broke my water, this is probably the most disgusting feeling in the world! At 4:30ish AM we started the pitocin and these contractions were so much easier to handle than the previous ones. I was able to labor on the birthing ball which was amazing, laboring in bed is probably the most excruciating thing ever! Within a few hours I was already to seven centimeters. This was all going so quickly that everyone thought we would have a baby by lunch ... Not so!

 I stalled out at 7 cms for about 3 hours. I was also continuing to vomit multiple times with nothing really left in my stomach. To paint a beautiful image of this blissful birth, imagine me on my birthing ball, being very loud during contractions, vomiting and leaking a ton of fluid. Pretty awesome huh? At this point I just couldn't take the pain anymore or the discomfort of it all especially since I wasn't making any progress. We decided it was time for some drugs! This ended up being such a great decision. Getting the epidural was NO FUN! They were able to insert the cath in between contractions but ended up administering the medication during a contraction. It felt like I was being shocked all over my left leg while also having a horrific contraction. I'm pretty sure that was the loudest I screamed all day ... Jordan could hear me all the way down the hallway. Even with the pain it was still the best decision ever!

 I was feeling great for about 30 minutes but then started to feel contractions again. The nurse administered some more meds but I still didn't feel a difference so I asked her if there was a kink or anything and she told me it just takes time. I gave it a few more minutes but the pain was just too much especially because they had me in a very odd position to help move her down. The nurse called the anesthesiologist and he found that they hadn't connected the meds to the cath in my back. Jordan was furious when he found this out and I wasn't too pleased either but once we were connected all was well again. Very soon after the epidural was placed I was 100% effaced and 9 cms. I continued to labor with the epidural in various positions to get her to move down more and to finally dilate that one more centimeter to be complete! At this point I was certain we were going to have a baby by 1:30. Well 1:30 rolls around and I'm still stuck at 9. My doctor came to check on me when he was done with patients for the day which was somewhere around 4. At this point I was still at 9. He pushed on the top of my stomach and felt to see what was going on with her head. He was explaining that she wasn't able to move down any farther because her head was too big and my pelvis was too small. As soon as he started explaining this I broke down because I knew exactly what was coming next. He recommended getting a c-section for the best result for everybody. Of course I agreed but was pretty devastated that after all the research and hard work I had done to get the birth I wanted, it was all for not. I was pretty terrified during the whole process because I hadn't educated myself on this process at all. Jordan was so amazing during this whole process. He was calm, comforting and so so supportive! I’m sure he was grossed out by everything going on but he never let on.

After the decision was made everything moved so quickly. In no time at all we were going down the hallway towards the OR. There were so many people there and it was sooo cold. Everything got started and before I really even realized it our sweet girl was born and boy was she loud. There was no doubt her lungs were fully developed. Jordan went and got her after she was cleaned up a bit and brought her over to me. She was already totally calm and happy to be with her dad. I was able to touch her and kiss her sweet face before they left for the nursery. They started putting me back together and in about 30 minutes I was in our recovery room. Jordan brought Peyton in very soon after and I was able to hold our sweet little girl. She nursed immediately and has been a champ ever since. I found out later that while Jordan was in the nursery with her they were having some skin to skin time and she tried to nurse him as well!

Although this delivery did not go the way I had planned or imagined in the slightest it was still an amazing experience. For months prior to the due date Jordan and I diligently prayed that God would have His hand on mine and Peyton’s birth and delivery and I have no doubt He was with us. Jordan was completely amazing throughout the whole process and there was no way I would have done as well as I did without his support. So far recovery has been going great and I have easily been able to move around with very minimal pain. I have already lost half of my baby weight which I was not expecting at all, let’s hope the rest falls off just as easily.

We had our first doctor appointment today and everything was great, we have a sweet healthy baby on our hands! Thank you to everyone who prayed for our family during this time, took the time to come by or congratulate us, we are so so appreciative of your support. Also if you made it all the way through this post you’re a trooper. 

Right before we left for the hospital. 

Sofie loving up on her new little sister. 

Our Sweet Girl.